What is gender dysphoria like?

August 2024 Policy Update

The church updated/published an updated Trans policy in August 2024. I have been thinking about it since and have some thoughts about it I wanted to share.  This is the first of at least two posts.

If you haven’t read the policy, you can do so here.  Also the guiding principles sheet created in conjunction with the policy update should be read. Some key takeaways:

• The church understands that gender dysphoria is real and results in major complications and that kindness and compassion are always in order as a response.
• All ordinances are received according to sex assigned at birth (even baptism!).  Anyone who has transitioned physically and/or socially is not eligible for saving ordinances administered by the church, including baptism.

From the guiding principles sheet:

• People who have transitioned cannot teach, fill gender-specific roles or work with children or youth.
• Use of bathrooms and attending meetings is laid out.
• Other specific issues also laid out.

The policy and guiding principles document seemed largely about helping non trans people feel more comfortable at church if a trans person happened to be attending. My feelings felt punctuated because the church has been working hard over the last 10-15 years to align itself with members of the LGBTQIA+ community with its policy updates. This change seemed to be a departure from that direction.

Some members of our society seem to believe think those who deal with gender dysphoria and thus transition are choosing to transition without a lot of thought.  That idea is offensive and wholly not true.  There are always edge cases, and you can find nearly any type of video you want on YouTube, but let me be clear: transitioning isn’t a course of action 99.9% of people take lightly.  The path isn’t easy. Some trans people wish they didn’t have to transition.  But transitioning is also the route that brings the most emotional health.  The church’s new policy makes it nearly impossible for a trans person who tries to walk the path of living their testimony and maintain their emotional health.  They must nearly always choose one or the other.

DSM and treatment options

To offer insight into what gender dysphoria is like, reading from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders might be a good place to start. This is quoted from Psychiatry.org.

The Mount Sinai Health Network posted some other facts about how Gender Dysphoria can affect people and about how to treat it on their site which are also worth reviewing:

Children and adults can experience gender dysphoria. Symptoms vary, depending upon a person’s age, but most people want to live in a way that matches their gender identity. As an adult, you may have had these feelings from a young age.

Children may:

• Insist that they are the other gender
• Strongly want to be the other gender
• Want to dress in the clothes typically used by another gender and resist wearing clothes associated with their biological gender
• Prefer to act the conventional roles of the other gender in play or fantasy
• Prefer toys and activities conventionally thought of as of the other gender
• Strongly prefer to play with children of the other gender
• Feel a strong dislike of their genitals
• Want to have the physical characteristics of the other gender

Adults may:

• Strongly want to be the other gender (or a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth)
• Want to have the physical and sexual characteristics of the other gender
• Want to be rid of their own genitals
• Want to be treated like the other gender
• Want to be addressed as the other gender (pronouns)
• Strongly feel and react in ways associated with the other gender

The main goal of treatment is to help you overcome the distress you may feel. You can choose the level of treatment that helps you feel most comfortable. This may include helping you transition to the gender you identify with.

Treatment for gender dysphoria is individualized, and may include:

• Counseling to help you understand your feelings and to provide you with support and coping skills
• Couples or family counseling to help reduce conflicts, create understanding, and provide a supportive environment
• Gender-affirming hormone therapy (in the past called hormone replacement therapy)
• Gender-affirming surgery (in the past called sex-reassignment surgery)          

The long and short is that Gender Dysphoria can lead to depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation or suicide, especially if it is untreated.  Transitioning may be part of treatment, as recommended by medical professionals. The medical situation seems clear, so I wonder if there isn’t another reason that we are locked in this binary method of organizing at church.  We have men’s and women’s classes, we have callings that only men or women can fill, leadership is largely male, and of course, the temple is wholly gender oriented.  Is a large reason perhaps that our society has failed to understand how much of gender is culture-based than anything else?   

Lived Experiences

Another source is also telling about what gender dysphoria feels like – this one is from Reddit.  It isn’t science-based research, but what is great about this source is that it is real language from real people who’s minds disagree with their bodies. It is real and it is hard.

Reddit question:  How does gender dysphoria feel like?

For me, it’s just an instinctual wrongness. A lot like being in a car and hearing a clunking sound from the front. All I can think about is getting out of the car.

Next comment:

It’s honestly difficult to describe. But I suppose the best way I would describe mine is like an immediate drop in my stomach and dissociation. Just the immediate thought of “that’s not me” screams in my head. Whether that’s my pronouns, my deadname, or when I still got my monthly. It just felt foreign. Like something happening to me, if that makes sense?

Next Comment:

This seems like a mild way to describe it but hear me out.

It reminds me of having to eat a food I hate. It’s like not liking olives. I can’t explain to you why I don’t like olives, I just don’t. I hear somebody call me a woman, I just don’t like it.

Which seems pretty tame, but think about it. If every time somebody said hello to you, every time you saw yourself in the mirror, it was like you had to take a big old spoonful of olives or sauerkraut, or anchovies, how quickly would that wear you down?

The relief of gender dysphoria, is like taking off an uncomfortable pair of shoes or a bra at the end of a long day. You don’t realize how much it’s been bothering you until it’s removed. Ironically the first time I put on a binder, emotionally it felt just like taking off a bra that was too tight.

Summary

These are such raw examples of the challenge that gender dysphoria can give someone. It isn’t something that can be changed or chosen, it isn’t something that can be fixed, it isn’t something that needs to be changed. It’s something that needs to be accepted, loved, cherished and to be proud of.  It is part of what makes some people who they are.  That is unique to them and that gives them a unique view of humanity. 

As a church, we need people who are trans!  We need trans people so we can be better, more loving, see the world through new lenses, and have their experiences shape and guide our direction, our community outreach and our worship.  With greater diversity we will gain strength. 

When Jesus was on the earth, he took special time to go outside the normal boundary to visit Samaria, meet the Woman at the Well, and share love, kindness and His gospel with her.  Being a Samaritan, she was outside the bounds of being accepted into the mainstream of worship and generally believed unfit to receive the blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant.  Our current-day Samaria is members of the Pride community.  Let us love, serve and accept them as our own.